Broken
by sapphirestars
Summary: Some things can never be repaired. HeijiKazuha. Happy Birthday Candyland!


Disclaimer: I do not own Detective Conan. Gosho Aoyama does. If he'd like to tell me how it ends though, that would be wonderful.

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_**Broken**_

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People who married young were doomed to failed relationships, at least that's what the reports said. All the research gathered in recent years seemed to point in this direction. Young people weren't mature enough; they didn't understand the full ramifications of what marriage meant. They couldn't fully grasp what 'till death do us part' signified. Who could blame them? Youth is ruled by its sense of invincibility. "I'm young and strong…I can do whatever I want." So many young people couldn't see past next Tuesday, if that, how could they really see a future with someone else fifty years down the road? Was that even possible?

Aside from that, youth was headstrong, stubborn and prideful. They had strong ideals and strong emotions and weren't always quick to compromise. This lack of flexibility and maturity also led to the disintegration of marriages that should have been perfect matches. Pride and stubbornness could trump the true love between two people.

It's not that true love didn't exist or that soul mates were some crap philosophy; it really came down to whether people wanted true love or a soul mate badly enough. Did they want love badly enough to take everything that came with it? Because it wasn't all sunshine and roses…far from it. Most of the time it was hard work that didn't always seem worth the effort.

Because of so many of these reasons, Hattori Heiji and his wife Toyama Kazuha had filed for divorce after seven years of marriage together.

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They were married at nineteen years old, after dating exclusively for two years. It had been a lovely courtship; Heiji and Kazuha hadn't stopped their spirited bickering but it had been tempered by the genuine love and affection they had for each other. They respected and trusted one other; they were best friends. His freak intellect made her want to exercise her own for more than academic purposes. Kazuha wanted to be smarter and stronger for him and for herself, so that she knew that she could keep up with him. Heiji learned to control his temper and reign in his impulsiveness. Instead of rushing off, he learned to employ some of Kazuha's practicality and think things through. Her kindness brought out his compassion. It seemed that even though the two kids had been horribly stubborn in their adolescence that they could work through their differences.

The wall that eventually grew between them was a result of environment and old habits. Because of excellence in detective work and his collaboration with Kudo Shinichi to bring down a international syndicate, Heiji had risen quickly through the ranks of the police academy. It wasn't very long before he was the head of the homicide department. Obviously, his promotion was rare but then Hattori Heiji was a special case.

Kazuha had also joined the police academy but she was a part of the investigative squad. Her work consisted of working through old cases and finding links between criminals and newer cases. She also specialized in code breaking. This interest had awakened back when she had been sixteen and she had helped solve a case by working through a puzzle.

The couple didn't have any children because their lives were extremely hectic and they wanted to wait before they were in a more settled position before they started a family. Their plan had been to wait until they were twenty-two but by this time their marriage was in no shape to welcome a baby.

In the beginning, working in the same building had been a blessing. They could see each other often and quite easily. Heiji often swung by her department to inquire about old cases for his work. A bit of office flirting never hurt anyone.

As a few years passed, both had become exceedingly engrossed in their work and rarely spent time together as a couple. Some of Heiji's adolescent recklessness had returned and he often took unnecessary risks while chasing after criminals.

Kazuha's code-breaking also took up a large chunk of her time; not every crime involved a puzzle or code but it was Kazuha's skill that allowed her to find links in cold cases that others could not.

Both Heiji and Kazuha were passionate about their work and they had every right to be. They were saving lives, after all. But as they grew more dedicated to their jobs (more so than their contemporaries), they spent less time together. The moments they did steal were littered with talk of work, getting back to work, how hard work was and TV news that might turn into more work for them.

It was in these moments when Kazuha could see how little Heiji focused on her when she spoke. She remembered when he used to stare at her simply fascinated with her face. Now he spoke to her like another casual acquaintance with forced smiles and feigned interest. They had not bantered with each other in months. They bickered but it was along the lines of when the other would be home.

"If you're going to be late, don't make too much noise coming in, all right? I have to get up early."

"So do I."

"Since you know that then you must understand how important sleep is to me."

"Fine. I'll be late. Don't wait up."

"I won't. Good night."

It wasn't until their fourth wedding anniversary that Heiji had begun to understand just how bad things had grown between them. Never mind that they rarely asked how the other was, Kazuha and Heiji had become odd strangers. They knew a lot about the other's past but they didn't seem to care to learn anymore. These were the effects of their neglect. Neither had ever truly realized how easy it was to stay emotionally intimate when they spent all their time together.

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For their anniversary, Heiji and Kazuha had requested the day off months before and Heiji had decided to plan a surprise day for her. They spent so little time together and Heiji was hoping to get some of that old spark back. He wanted to wake her to watch the sunrise together, take her out to breakfast and a matinee. A picnic lunch and ferry ride would cap off the afternoon. He had planned a romantic dinner at home for the two of them and maybe a night of reacquainting in the bedroom…or the shower or wherever they happened to end up.

But Kazuha had stayed late at the office the night before and had completely forgot their anniversary. She woke up very early and immediately headed back out, having forgotten that she had the day off. By the time she remembered (or registered what her coworkers were telling her) it was very late into the afternoon.

Kazuha walked tentatively through the door of her home. "Heiji? Are you home?"

"Yes."

Kazuha found him slumped on the couch watching television. She sat down next to him. "I'm sorry."

"About what?" Heiji replied, his eyes never strayed from the glow of the screen.

Her brow furrowed and she frowned. "You know what. I forgot our anniversary. We both requested the day off and I completely forgot and headed into work anyway."

He shrugged. "It doesn't matter. It's just four years."

"Just four years?" Her voice rose in pitch. "That doesn't matter… it's still our anniversary. It's another year we've spent together."

He scoffed. "Yes, it's been a lovely year. We've spent a lot of time together." Heiji rolled his eyes sarcastically.

She pursed her lips. "Well, you know that we both get caught up in work. I'm not the only one guilty of this. How many times have you come home late in the past month?"

He finally turned to look at her squarely in the eye. "Several. But I still remembered that I had requested the day off. For someone that forgot completely, you're getting very defensive."

"I'm not defensive but it was a mistake. I'm just saying that both of us have come home late before." Her temper was beginning to rise.

"_That doesn't matter it's still our anniversary!_" Heiji mimicked her and his voice became shrill. "Isn't that what you were just saying? It's one thing to come home late on a regular day but to completely forget the day that celebrates _another year we've spent together_? That's pretty bad. If the situation was reversed you'd be reaming me out."

She could feel her face grow hot with anger and she stood. "I'm sorry, all right? Besides, it's not like you planned anything special! You're just sitting here on the damn couch!"

Heiji shot up from his seat. "You don't know what you're talking about." His voice was cold like steel. "I wanted to watch the sun rise with you, take you out for breakfast, see a movie, have a picnic, go out for a ferry ride. I had a lot of things planned, actually, but you weren't here. The one day in months that we had entirely for ourselves and you completely forgot. It's like you don't even give a damn."

"Fine! So I screwed up! But I'm not alone in this! You used to come home earlier! You used to let your subordinates take on more assignments. You've taken more risks lately and everything is more dangerous."

"That has nothing to do with today. You come home late too. Remember when I wanted to talk about having kids? You completely blew me off and left to turn in case work."

She frowned. "I don't remember that."

"Obviously. You were preoccupied with other things." He snarled. "This isn't the first time this has happened. You've broken dates before."

"Oh please. Look who's talking. At work, you don't even listen to me! You miss me so much? You used to stop by my office to talk with me all the time. Now whenever I see you, it's like you're in another place entirely. You don't _see_ me."

"Maybe I am preoccupied at work but that's just it. I'm at work. When it comes to our home life, I've been more dedicated." He crossed his arms and exhaled loudly.

Kazuha clasped her hands together to stop them from shaking. "They aren't mutually exclusive, Heiji! You're like two different people! I'm tired of having to navigate between your opposites."

"So your solution is to just pull away completely? At least I try. I wanted this to be a great day, Kazuha! You don't even _try_!" He stepped closer as he raised his voice.

"Maybe because I'm tired of it!" She shouted and Heiji stepped back. He looked like she had struck him but Kazuha continued on. "I'm tired of trying to pretend that we know each other anymore! I'm tired of the tension and the bickering. I'm tired of pretending that everything is going well. I'm tired of you trying to fix everything with one date. It's hard!"

The air was silent between them and it seemed like hours passed. Finally, Heiji spoke. "If it's so hard then maybe it's not worth the effort." His voice was carefully neutral; it was strange because Heiji often kept his emotions so close to the surface.

A million thoughts raced through her mind then but only one stood out prominently and so she spoke it aloud. "…it seems that it's not." Part of her instantly regretted her words. The other part of her was so tired of pretending.

Kazuha couldn't discern what Heiji was thinking. His face was blank but he never took his eyes off her. "I think you're right." He said quietly. "I'm going to go stay at a hotel."

It was that argument and those that arose in the subsequent days that cemented their break up. They were legally separated within a few months. The only reason they had not filed for divorce was because their family and friends were sure they could work out their problems.

However, neither Heiji or Kazuha was willing to be the one to cross the distance between them and weeks became months and months became years.

Before they knew it, Heiji and Kazuha had been separated three years and they'd had enough. They were officially filing for divorce.

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One late Saturday afternoon, Kazuha was sitting on her couch in her apartment in Tokyo. After she and Heiji had separated, Kazuha had requested a transfer to Tokyo's Metropolitan Police Department. It had taken a few months but she had moved to the capital and after three years felt mostly at home.

Although she missed Osaka, there were so many memories there and it was hard for to continue working in the same building as Heiji when things were so strained between them. She had also tired of her friends and family meddling in their private life. In Tokyo, she was anonymous. Yes, Osaka was a large city but Tokyo was enormous and crowded. She could easily disappear in its midst and Kazuha had been doing so for a few years now.

Because Kazuha was a warm and genuine person, she had made friends quickly in her department. Not to mention that she already had friends in Tokyo, particularly the Kudos.

She was forever grateful that Ran did not push the issue of her separation from Heiji. Ran had only asked her once whether there was any chance of reconciliation. When Kazuha had told her no, her face had fallen but she quickly put on a comforting smile and told her she understood. Shinichi, who had until then pretended not to be listening, gave her a sad look but offered to make tea.

It wasn't very difficult to be friends with her (almost) ex-husband's best friend. Shinichi had always been an intensely private person and he had never pushed the issue. They saw each other often in the police station; he was not an officer but they were always asking for his help so it was common to see him there. It was nice to know that she could have a solid friendship with him that wasn't superficially based on 'how's the weather?' chatter.

Kazuha rose from the couch to brew a pot of coffee; she was planning to get a little work done. Ironically, once she had moved to Tokyo, Kazuha had cut down on her work load. The MPD's investigative squad was a larger department than Osaka's had been and not as much work was demanded of her. This didn't stop her from putting in extra hours during the week. It did mean, however, that her weekends were usually void of work.

She pressed the PLAY button on her answering machine; there were messages from her father, friends from Osaka, and finally her lawyer, Hiro, who said that Heiji had gotten the divorce papers and that she would be receiving them in the mail soon.

Kazuha sighed and leaned against her kitchen counter. They were finally getting divorced. Even in her greatest states of denial, Kazuha couldn't claim to be happy. No, she wasn't happy that her marriage was going to be officially over within a week. At the same time, the long separation had been total isolation. There had been no talks of reconciliation; no romantic rendezvous designed to bring them back together.

In a way, they had been divorced for years. They didn't live in the same city; they had not talked in quite some time because their lawyers had handled everything. The last time they had spoken they had been as cold as ice to each other. They had fought so bitterly for six months after Heiji had left that night. Once Kazuha moved, they had pulled back their rage and kept their interaction to a minimum.

Nonetheless, Kazuha didn't want to divorce Heiji. She wanted to go back to when they had been so happy. They had been so in love.

That was the problem, though. She was still in love. Kazuha still loved Heiji more than anybody in the world but they hadn't been able to make it work. The past few years had been so hard without him but it was over. It had been over for a long time. With the exception of a few mutual friends, they didn't ever have to see each other again.

Kazuha wished they had been able to make it work; she wished that they hadn't spent the past three years apart. They had said so many horrible things; they had hurt each other in so many small ways that Kazuha didn't think there was any hope for them.

She had learned that some things once they had been said or done could never be reversed.

Realizing that her coffee had long since brewed, Kazuha poured herself a cup. She tasted it and made a face. It was way too bitter, served her right for lapsing into daydreams. She had only made herself more depressed.

_**Bzzzz!**_

Kazuha frowned as she heard the buzzing at the door; she wasn't expecting anyone. She set her coffee down and headed to the door. She looked through the peephole and froze.

Heiji?

What was he doing there?

What did he want?

Why was he there?

Still in slight shock, Kazuha opened the door. "Heiji…" She couldn't help but stare for a moment. He looked a little older and a bit thinner than the last time she had seen him. Although the dark circles under his eyes gave away how tired he was, Heiji was still as bright and handsome as he'd ever been.

Heiji gave her a tentative smile. "Hi Kazuha."

Remembering her manners, she stepped out of the way and invited him inside. "Hi…come on in." Heiji nodded and stepped inside. He stood awkwardly by the doorway.

"Uh, do you want something to drink?" Kazuha asked him and shut the door before heading toward her kitchen.

He shook his head but followed after her. "No thanks, I'm fine." He turned in a slow circle taking in her apartment. His expression was pleasant but mostly unreadable. When had he mastered that particular ability? "You have a very nice place here. Roomy considering how crowded this city is."

"Yeah, you remember Sonoko, right? Well, you know how she has so many connections in the real estate business and she found me this place. It's big enough and it's in my budget." She tried to keep her hands occupied but wound up sticking them in her pockets.

Heiji nodded in agreement. "Looks good to me. It's about as big as my place back in Osaka."

While the polite chatter was better than their old shouting matches, it was still unbearably tense and Kazuha could barely stand it. What she would give to smile and laugh with him the way they used to.

She cleared her throat. "So tell me, what brings you around here? I highly doubt it was to come see me." She cracked a weak smile at him and mentally beat herself over the head. Moron.

Heiji smirked but quickly tried to hide it. "Actually, I did…mostly. Kudo called me yesterday and asked me to come give him some insight on a case. I told him I'd come today. That's actually where I've been for most of the day but then we came across another case. There was a dead body by the river under the bridge in midtown."

Kazuha couldn't help rolling her eyes. "Oh _of course _you'd come across a dead body. The both of you are cursed—" She caught herself from saying more. "Sorry."

He hid another smile. "It's all right, probably true anyway. But…well, I figured since I'd be in Tokyo that I might as well bring these to you. Better than wasting the postage, I guess."

Up until now, Kazuha had not registered that he was carrying a long manila envelope in his hand and she realized why he'd come and what was in there. "Oh…the divorce papers." She nodded quickly. "Yeah, Hiro mentioned that I'd be getting them soon. It's definitely more efficient to bring them in person."

She took the envelope from him and when she looked up at Heiji, she noticed that his jaw seemed unusually tight. Kazuha opened the envelope and took out the small packet of paperwork. "You…haven't signed them yet." Her breath caught in her throat and her heart was beating like crazy.

"W-well I figured I'd just bring them to you and then I could deliver them to my lawyer's office when I get back to Osaka. I've been up and busy all day anyway." He shifted his weight from one foot to another nervously.

Her hands were shaking and she sat down at the kitchen table. Heiji followed suit and she began to look through the papers. "Quite a few pages here, huh? A lot of places to sign."

He nodded and she could tell from the corner of her eye that he was looking at her. It made her nervous…but in a good way. He hadn't looked at her like that in such a long time. But that didn't matter anymore. For goodness sake, he had brought her the divorce papers personally!

Kazuha reached for a pen when Heiji's reached to stop her and covered her hand with his own. "Kazuha before you…before you sign those I want to tell you something."

Kazuha's eyes were wide and she couldn't move a muscle. He paused for a moment before continuing.

"I'm sorry, Kazuha." His fingers entangled themselves slowly around her own. "I'm sorry for everything. These past few years have been horrible and most of that is my fault. I said so many things…"

Kazuha shook her head quickly and she could feel her eyes begin to tear up. "No, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, Heiji. It was my fault too." She placed her other hand over his.

The expression on his face was so tender, she wanted to reach over and hug him. "Kazuha, I never wanted things to wind up like this. We were friends…best friends and we don't even speak to each other anymore." He paused. "We…were really in love with each other. I wish things hadn't gotten so screwed up."

She bit her lip. "We didn't work at it hard enough. We thought that because it had been so easy before that things would just take care of themselves. We just grew more and more apart, Heiji."

Heiji laughed but it sounded empty. "We should have talked like this before. Maybe things would have turned out differently." He looked away.

Kazuha nodded. "I know." Her voice cracked and she could feel tears begin to spill over her cheeks. "Maybe things could have been different."

Heiji raised a hand to her cheek. "Don't cry, Kazuha." He hesitated for a moment but then he reached over and embraced her.

_Heiji._

She wrapped her arms around him and rested her cheek against his shoulder and cried. She could feel his arms tighten around her. The stayed like that for a long while. Judging by his shakiness, Kazuha thought that he felt as vulnerable as she did.

She was home. Even though she was in Tokyo, when Heiji had entered her apartment she felt right at home once again. And now…everything was perfect. Her heart was breaking but he was here supporting her like he had before.

Minutes passed before they moved away from each other. She didn't want to but she uncapped the pen in her hand. "It's for the best, I think. Heiji —" Kazuha paused and looked in his eyes. She took a deep breath. She needed it if she was going to say what she was thinking.

"I just want you to know that even after all this…I still would have said yes. I still would have married you even knowing things turned out like this. The happiest moments of my life were with you and I wouldn't change that for anything in the world. I loved you so much and," She hesitated here but continued anyway. "I'll always love you." She gave him a watery smile before looking down at the divorce papers.

"Wait Kazuha! Wait please." Heiji grasped her shoulders desperately. "Don't, please don't. I don't want this. That's why I haven't signed the papers yet! I don't want this."

The pen fell from Kazuha's fingers and she tried to register what Heiji was saying. "Wait, what are you saying?" Should she even dare to think that maybe he wanted…?

"I don't want a divorce, Kazuha." Although his face was laced with anxiety, his voice was strong and clear. "I don't want to end our marriage. I love you. I'm still in love with you. That hasn't changed for me at all the entire time we've been separated."

"But Heiji what about before?" Kazuha didn't disagree with Heiji but did he fully realize what he was saying?

"I know. I know but I want to try again. Kazuha, I can't walk away from you permanently. I love you and I don't want to be without you anymore. I can't just leave here and just let out marriage end. I can't." His grip on her shoulders had relaxed now but he was still looking at her intensely. She couldn't tear her eyes away from him.

"Are you sure, Heiji? Because I don't want us to get hurt anymore. I don't want to say anything to hurt you anymore." She rested a hand on his knee.

"Kazuha, let's try again. I should have come sooner but I was such an idiot. I can be such an arrogant, prideful idiot…you know that better than anyone. But I love you and I want to stay married to you. I should have said all this before but…well now this is my last chance." He ended his words quietly.

Kazuha sat still for a moment taking all of it in. "You weren't the only arrogant, prideful idiot. I was a moron too. I wanted to call you so many times but I didn't because I was too damn proud. Heiji, if you're sure —"

"I'm sure." He took her hands in his. A huge smile broke across Kazuha's face. "Then ok."

Heiji laughed happily and stood, making her rise as well. His hands raised to cup her face and leaned toward her but Kazuha pulled back for a moment. "Wait a sec. There's still so much we have to talk about. Things we have to decide."

Heiji pouted and Kazuha grinned. "We will. I promise. Right after this, I'll take you out to dinner and we'll talk some more. But first…"

Heiji leaned in once again and kissed her. She could feel the familiar tears begin to roll down her cheeks again but she wasn't sad anymore. No, now his strong arms were encircling her and keeping her safe. Her arms went around him as well and she pressed herself against him.

Their hands drifted over each other, clinging and desperate. It had been so long since they'd been together. He ran his fingers down her neck and shoulders. Finally…he had missed her so much. Heiji had thought he'd never be able to touch her, to feel her against him ever again. He remembered every line and curve of her body.

Kazuha's hands traced the muscles of his back and she pressed her lips more passionately against his. Their kisses melded into one and Kazuha finally let herself believe that this was real. Heiji was there with her again. They were together again. Her husband, her lover, her best friend.

They slowly drifted away from each other, breathing heavily. They both felt that familiar physical pull towards each other and nothing could make them happier.

Heiji chuckled. "Well, I guess before anything else…I did promise to take you to dinner." He winked suggestively. Kazuha laughed and went over to her room to grab her shoes.

They were heading out the door when Kazuha pulled on Heiji's hand, stopping him. "Heiji, there's something I want to tell you too." She squeezed his hand.

"You are worth the effort." Kazuha spoke the words quietly, remembering when she had said the opposite four years before. She had never regretted anything more.

This time Heiji didn't even try to hide how her words made him feel. A small smile appeared on his face but his eyes spoke volumes. They conveyed all the love and gratitude that he couldn't put any words.

He took her face in his hands and kissed her lips briefly. "So are you."

Together, once again, the Kansai couple headed out to the streets of Tokyo ready to rebuild what they had almost lost.

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The End

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A/N: Happy Birthday **candyland**!! I still owe you that other fic. In the mean time, I deliver Heiji/Kazuha angst/romance.

I hope you enjoyed it!!!

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